Potential taglines for the premiere episode of Esquire’s ‘Friday Night Tykes’, a documentary series focusing on four teams in the ‘rookie’ program of the Texas Youth Football Association, a competition for 8-9 year olds:
“If you don’t push your kids, you’re accepting failure.”
“I don’t care how much pain you’re in, you don’t quit.”
Troubling to watch, impossible to understand.
Everything that’s wrong with junior sport.
Watch them play now, wonder how their brains will disintegrate later.
Because nothing says fun more than treating 8 year-olds like professional athletes.
See why the Texas Youth Football Association is one of the top ten largest independent leagues in the country.
“Blow chunks, then get back out there.”
“The Texas Youth Football and Cheerleading Association: Where dreams begin.”
The Texas Youth Football and Cheerleading Association: Where overbearing parents whose kids don’t fit the ‘Toddlers and Tiaras’ stereotype go.
Discipline, dedication and destruction.
You won’t blame the show. You will blame the coaches and parents.
“We were done with everyone gets a trophy, everybody wins.”
Just when you thought John Tomic was bad.
Only in Texas. Hopefully.
Meet the coaches from San Antonio who aren’t named Popovich.
“Rip their freaking heads off and let them bleed.”
Coach Taylor had no idea.
Where P&G ads meet Texas football.
The show the NFL doesn’t want you to see.
Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy? What’s that?
Where kids younger than those on ‘It’s Academic’ take their first step towards ‘Any Given Sunday’.
Where competition is not a bad word.
Quvenzhane Wallis isn’t the 9 year-old who faces the scariest Beasts of the Southern Wild.
Never has a show done so much for soccer.
“Don’t give me that soft crap.”
The most depressing show on television.
The premiere episode of ‘Friday Night Tykes’, entitled ‘Weakness Leaving the Body’ can be seen here: